A couple of weeks ago, a new mom I don’t know in real life asked a question in a Moms’
Group I’m a part of online. I had befriended her during a different post, and we shared
many of the same perspectives in that post, so I chimed in with my 2 cents of solicited
advice with thoughts that differed from every other mom’s response to her question. And
that’s when it happened.
Group I’m a part of online. I had befriended her during a different post, and we shared
many of the same perspectives in that post, so I chimed in with my 2 cents of solicited
advice with thoughts that differed from every other mom’s response to her question. And
that’s when it happened.
I was mom-shamed.
Two women were aghast at how I had raised my children. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.
I just shared my opinions with this mom, and my opinions infuriated one woman and
shocked another. And these two strangers let me know.
I just shared my opinions with this mom, and my opinions infuriated one woman and
shocked another. And these two strangers let me know.
I identified it as mom-shaming early, thank God. But that didn’t stop me from typing about a
million fiery responses and deleting them before I pressed enter. I typed and deleted,
typed and deleted, typed and deleted… And a small voice in the back of my head said,
“Walk away. Walk away right now.” So instead of responding with anger and arguing and
engaging with the woman who was very adamant and vocal about her opinion,
I just typed, “Okay.”
million fiery responses and deleting them before I pressed enter. I typed and deleted,
typed and deleted, typed and deleted… And a small voice in the back of my head said,
“Walk away. Walk away right now.” So instead of responding with anger and arguing and
engaging with the woman who was very adamant and vocal about her opinion,
I just typed, “Okay.”
And then, I had a place to go… A Different Online Mom’s Group where everyone swears,
laughs, and is real about the fact that momming is hard and we are all doing it differently.
They call themselves a “Shame-free Group of Moms.”
laughs, and is real about the fact that momming is hard and we are all doing it differently.
They call themselves a “Shame-free Group of Moms.”
So I took it to this Shame-free group and said, “Guys. I’m being mom-shamed. Tell me
I’m not alone and I’m not crazy.” And they did. They gave me an outpouring of support.
I’m not alone and I’m not crazy.” And they did. They gave me an outpouring of support.
And then we laughed.
And I remembered that real life is existing in front of me in the form of children trying to do
the luge down the stairs on a blanket. Which is wrong. You clearly cannot get the speed
required for a gold medal on a blanket. You need a sled. So I got one from the garage,
instructed my kids to keep their arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and
pushed the sled down the stairs repeatedly. They squealed with delight.
the luge down the stairs on a blanket. Which is wrong. You clearly cannot get the speed
required for a gold medal on a blanket. You need a sled. So I got one from the garage,
instructed my kids to keep their arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and
pushed the sled down the stairs repeatedly. They squealed with delight.
It was glorious.
And because I had walked away, I was able to think about what really happened, and I was
able to forgive these women who mom-shamed me… because I’ve mom-shamed other
people before too.
able to forgive these women who mom-shamed me… because I’ve mom-shamed other
people before too.
And I’m so grateful I had the insight to say to myself, “you’ve been a jerk to people before too,
Em.” Because less than a week later, a precious, dear friend posted something that I disagreed
with. In real life, we had had basically the same discussion respectfully and agreed almost
entirely. But online, one word of her post set me off and I was angry, shaking. I was frantically
searching for articles to support my opinion, deconstructing that one word that I had such a
huge problem with…
Em.” Because less than a week later, a precious, dear friend posted something that I disagreed
with. In real life, we had had basically the same discussion respectfully and agreed almost
entirely. But online, one word of her post set me off and I was angry, shaking. I was frantically
searching for articles to support my opinion, deconstructing that one word that I had such a
huge problem with…
But my friend, you see, is super smart and compassionate and patient. She took down her
post and texted me with something like, “Dude. You just went off and belittled me and that
wasn’t cool. Do you have a beef with me or something else? Are you okay?”
post and texted me with something like, “Dude. You just went off and belittled me and that
wasn’t cool. Do you have a beef with me or something else? Are you okay?”
Three words: Are you okay?
I wasn’t, in fact, okay. I was shaking. I was angry. I was reliving icky stuff from years ago and
holding my sweet, innocent friend accountable for someone else’s actions. And I wouldn’t
have realized it unless she had asked me… “Are you okay?”
holding my sweet, innocent friend accountable for someone else’s actions. And I wouldn’t
have realized it unless she had asked me… “Are you okay?”
Nope. Apparently I am not okay. Apparently I have some forgiving to do.
And as if that wasn’t enough of a message from God, He sent me the first 5 chapters of Bob Goff’s new book, Everybody, Always. And it’s filled with all of these convicting and inspiring thoughts like this one:
I read that and thought, Okay, God! I get it! We are all hurt and we respond to each other in crappy ways, and we don’t know what battles other people are facing!
And He said, Are you sure you get it?
Because then I had to start prepping for a MOPs talk about Mom-Comparison, and I thought, Again? The same message?
But, you see, it’s one that we all need to keep learning and re-learning… like Bob Goff says, “Love Everybody, Always.”
Even that jerk?
Yep.
Even that perfect person who gets everything right that I get wrong?
Yep.
Even… myself?
Everybody…
Even…
Everybody, Always.
Okay, but I’m going to need another reminder…
I think you'll love Bob's new book. You can preorder it here.
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